It's the middle of the night and I can't sleep. I'm wondering what to do with the rest of my time here on earth. I just had another birthday and that has made me stop and think. I feel a bit like a lost soul. I feel like there is another me still living in the house in Kentucky.
I realized today that I feel as if there is something that everyone else in the world knows that I don't know. So often I feel disconnected from the people around me. There are so many times when people either don't hear me or choose to ignore me. I can't count the number of times that I ask a direct question and just get no answer. It makes me feel invisible.
It seems my husband is unhappy with me now. He doesn't want to hear me. He says I ask stupid questions, so he doesn't answer me. He says I am mean sometimes. I never intend to be mean, but I think maybe my unhappiness comes through as being mean. I have distanced myself from my family by moving away. I care about them but I don't know how to reach out to them anymore. I think they feel abandoned.
Is this an "existential crisis"? Maybe. Or it could just be the middle-of-the-night blues?
Judy, I think most of us can relate to P #2 at one time or other if not frequently. I know I can. Maybe you are suffering a situational anxiety and guilt re the move, leaving family, the cats you loved, etc. Remember there is One Who always listens to us and if we sit quietly we will feel His Presence and our perceived invisibility to others will not seem as important.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Maria. I think it is situational.
Deleteohmygoodness... this resonates with me more than I care to admit.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, Judy. I feel your frustration, the hurt. Please know... even if I can't find the right things to say, I do want to do or say something that helps, that raises your thoughts and gives you courage.